Fear and Sailing into Infinity
You’re Going to Feel Fear
One of the big rules of going after your wild idea? Fear. You’re going to be scared to death. You’re going to not sleep at night. You going to either – or maybe even both – stop eating all together or eat so much that you think you’re going to weigh twice as much as you did when you started the project.
You’re going to wonder if you are galactically stupid to have tried this, you’re going to wonder if this was an absolutely catastrophic mistake. I had moments where I laid awake in bed, thinking, “I’ve destroyed our lives. I took us from this very comfortable world, we took all of our life savings, it’s now gone, and I’m never going to get it back.” And this was not just off in the distance, fantasy worry.
In our particular instance, one of the big ones, was that we’d spent all of our money and we were ready to open Spillian and the New York City Watershed decided that the septic system that we had wouldn’t work for a commercially licensed facility. (Much of the Catskills is a part of the city’s watershed, which brings gifts and challenges.) And so, even though it functioned, even though it was built for more buildings than stood on the property at this point, our septic didn’t grandfather with the current agreement in the area about older systems, and we got bad advice from several different directions. People meant well, but they weren’t paying attention.
And suddenly it looked as though we were going to lose the entire project. The possible solution was so enormously expensive, and such a bad solution, that it looked like we were going to have to foreclose. Before we had even opened our doors.
So, fear is real.
Sailing into Infinity
Man, this is a part of it. If you’re really going after what you really want, and you’re really having and adventure and living your life, if you’re not feeling absolute, down-to-your-toes paralyzing fear at some point in the process, I don’t know if you’re actually going after what you want.
(Maybe you’re one of the handful of people who maybe get into the heart of what you are dreaming for without having this experience, but I have my doubts.)
And, sometimes it’s existential fear. Sometimes it’s the fear of the unknown, the fear of over-reaching, the fear of not knowing… If you’re doing this right, you’re sailing, swimming, canoeing into uncharted waters. All at the same time. You’re heading into a place where you don’t know you’re going to land. As philosopher Gaston Bachelard wrote, “Imagination is the voyage into the land of the infinite.” To which I’d add, infinity is scary.
Fear and sailing into infinity go hand in hand. It’s glorious. But it’s really, genuinely scary. Existentially, metaphorically, literally.
So what do you do about that fear? Here’s the first step: you need to recognize that it’s going to be there. It’s just going to be there. Know that it’s going to happen.
So, by feeling it, you’re not failing. You’re not destroying anything. You’re acknowledging the enormous risks that you’re taking to make this thing happen that you want to make happen.
And if things are real, more often than not, they carry big risks. Think about in a non-project way – maybe it’s a marriage, or the birth of a child, maybe it’s a move – think about the really big moments in your life. How many of those have you experienced and not had some moments of just “I can’t breathe, I’m so scared.”
Sometimes they come and go really quickly, and that’s great. (Or is it?) But they’re going to be there.
And that’s okay. Maybe even good, hard as that is to believe in the moment. And just because you’re scared to death, you keep sailing on.
How do you keep sailing? Please feel free to share your intrepid captain stories in the comments!
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I am learning to live and love one day at a time. I have my plans for the future, even just the next day, if they change, it’s ok, It has to be. I am trying to bloom where I’m planted, I’m really liking this new plan.
Thanks Leigh. xo
Love this, Maureen! Thank you!
I’ve sailed before….I can sail again. This can work.
Fabulous. This can work. Oh, man, yes. thanks, Don!
Wow, so true … the entire post. And coincidentally, earlier today, I had the most incredible realization about the purpose behind this otherwise seemingly inexplicable dynamic: When we’re forced to face all of our deepest, darkest fears head-on – and live to tell the tale! – they cease to become the self-inflicted psychological barriers that prevent us from living to the absolute fullest, based on our projections of what might happen if we dared to be so bold. (“Sailing into infinity,” as you so aptly put it.) When we’re forced to deal with a situation that we considered to be beyond our limit – when we realize that even if the WORST-POSSIBLE scenario that we could ever conceive actually happened, and yet we somehow managed to weather the storm and come out on the other side – we suddenly realize that we are in fact LIMITLESS. Nothing can fence us in anymore. I’m reminded of Jim Carrey’s epic performance as Truman Burbank – battling his mortal fear of drowning in single combat against the raging sea and ultimately exiting the confines of his artificially constrained existence. Anchors aweigh!
Oh, YES!! Oh, I think this is so important, Nikki. I know that as soon as I start to back away from the stuff that scares me, the more stuff scares me. Our worlds can get so small, so fast. And if you blow it out and go after the scary stuff, it rarely lives up to your worst expectations – maybe ever, really – and instead the boundaries grow. Thank you!!
Omni–The Tuesday Self-God, with Faith in the Practice of Imagining, Reasoning, and Positive Psychology
How to face Fear? Sail with purpose! Flex your Grit muscles, Invoke the power to imagine:possible future action scenarios. Reflect on, assess, and prioritize imagined scenarios and their imagined outcomes. Use knowledge about the likelihood of possible actions to prioritize possible outcomes. Choose and employ optimal act. Assess the outcome in terms of what knowledge can be learned for better resolving future issues. Reflect on how your actions have contributed to progress in realizing your sense of purpose. Recalibrate your own sense of confidence. Bask in the Joy of engagement and accomplishment.
Oh, how I adore you, Omni the Tuesday God. YES!! This is wonderful. Thank you!! xoxoxo
For me, the courage comes from knowing that even if I fail in a bright, burning ball of failure-flame (complete with intense heat, lots of smoke, flying debris) that I am still loved by my family and friends, and that’s all that really matters in the end. As a hospice volunteer, I never hear people talking about their accomplishments. I hear them talking about who they love, who loves them, and the regrets they have (usually around holding on to grudges, *not* taking that terrifying plunge, or living a life under the thumb of other people’s expectations). Working with people who are dying sets my compass straight when the winds of fear blow strong. Because what really matters won’t be lost if/when I fail.
Beautiful. One of the things I find most enchanting about you, Meghan, is as someone as deeply alive as anyone I know, your work to understand – and share the understandings you’re learning – about death, and seeing life and death as part of the same whole, rather than opposed to one another. Thank you!
Thank you for this ‘prompt” Leigh. They are truly ‘wonder-full’ and inspiring, and this one triggered a LOT for me. At age 35 (I’m now 72) I experienced some sort of ‘awakening’ . It was not drug induced now had I requested it from the universe by meditating or fasting etc. I had streams of ‘insights’ that kept me up writing most nights. I was never ‘tired’ — I felt ‘connected’ to all that was true and deep in the universe. I was ‘led’ to read “Illusions – The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah” – an allegory by Richard Back who’d also written Jonathan Livingston Seagull (which I’d read in my 20’s but never really understood until this experience. My husband, who was a Psychiatrist, wanted to call it a manic break or Psychotic Episode. Thank Goddess I had a therapist at this time who had been through something very similar when HE was 35 — he understood and supported me and called it a “Peak Experience ‘) which Abraham Maslow wrote about. (Note that both Psychotic Episode and Peak Experience have the same initials!) The movie “My Dinner With Andre” became a favorite – since it showed a man obsessed with his passion — as did “Close Encounters of a Third Kind”. But even with support of a therapist; and books and movies who took the ‘creative Energy point of view, there are innumerable others that present the ‘break from sanity’ view. It, to me, can be a fine and very scary line. When I first wrote “Evelyn” in th 1990’s (which is the book I now want to rewrite and get out there) I ‘managed’ my energy by structuring the muse – telling her I would be fully available every weekend from Fri night -Sunday night but I NEEDED to work Mon-Friday at my ‘day job’ to both make some money and prove I was sane. This ‘structuring’ worked for me – the muse showed up every Friday -Sunday night and saved her ideas (and next chapter) until the next weekend.
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Thank you, Gail! What an extraordinary experience – and I think you’re absolutely right, having moments like this (which I think for most of us are just moments – sounds like yours was a much bigger version) are both amazing and can be so scary, because they rock our worlds in such big ways. Jung and Freud both spoke about the need to have a lifeline back out to the rest of the world when things break open like this – because we can get lost in them. Sounds like your therapist was a hugely important one. A great reminder that we need to make sure we’ve got allies who can keep tabs on us when we go deep!
I was told a long time ago, by a very wise woman, that there are only two ways to live; love-based or fear-based. I choose love. And although this Earth Walk has thrown a few tragedy’s my way, I still chose love and have walked through the darkness and into to light carrying lessons with me that I could never have learned without being brought to my knees. I am the light, and I am fearless. As a result, my life is so full, happy, and beautiful! To truly live fearlessly is a blessing! Thank you for these courageous and profound words from your heart. I wish for everyone to tap into their inner Warrior and walk through the darkness, step by step, and truly LIVE! We get one shot at this lifetime….go create it. I take a bow, my friend, that you are creating yours. Much love
Thank you, Mara!! So exciting to see how people are stepping into what brings them joy. It’s humbling. And oh, so, cool.